We meet again friend?.....Anxiety!!!

To who every is reading this... HELLO!!

I guess you know from this title what I plan to write about! If this is something that doesn't interest you well, feel free to click out! But if it doesnt affect you or  if this does effect you, then please read on. Something shared is always something gained right? 

I know lately I have done a few posts in Anxiety or have touched on it here and there. I have read alot of papers, media posts etc and something sparked something for me to write this. Dunno why, but hey I am going to go with it!

Do you ever wonder or doubt yourself in situations or your ability? Weather its a good idea to go here? Should you try rocking that skirt? Is that lip to bold? Is my hair ok? Do I sound weird? Am I making sense? Will I find something to talk bout with him/her? What will I say? How would he/she love me? Is there ever a day you self doubt yourself or a situation? Do you go through days where your so excited for that concert, night out, date, birthday etc and once the day comes you have completely exhausted and talked yourself out of the idea and the plan to go, because of the overthinking, the possible situations that may happen or the self doubt? Only to realize and regret the next day, why did`nt I go, I missed out!

The thoughts of what will I wear? Do I fit in? Who will be there? What if this happens? etc take over such a possible great and fun times. You have not only filled your head with negativity and regret, but also tired yourself out in every way. Why could`nt you have said "FUCK IT" (excuse moi french), why could`nt you have just gone and be like everyone else and not have cared. Anxiety thats why! 

No matter how many times you promise yourself you will go next time, when the day comes about again, you are put back in that circle again.

Trust me I have been there and still do from time to time do that same thing. Not to make excuses, as much as people may think, its just the mindset and the actual fear of the unknown. I have backed out of parties, nights out, BBQs, events, the list goes on, all because I have literally visioned the possible outcome of the night, people, situations and I am like okay done it, dont want to live it as its to much work to make yourself try and you end up trying to hard, instead of relaxing and going with it. 

I have come to the acceptance, thats who I am, but I have to gain the control for myself, to be smart to deal with whatever, but not let it stop me. I cant.! Somethings are not ment to be controlled. And anyone with Anxiety will tell you, that puts the fear of God in them. 

Alot of people call me quiet, shy, sensible, not tough enough etc. But the way I try and explain Anxiety to people is. Think of your worse fear..Is it failure? Is it heights? Is it snakes? Is it water? Think about how you feel? The Adrenalin running through you, the fight or flight your body goes in, the panic, the thought "ohh no!!! " Well apply that to everyday, every little thing unknowingly to us and out of your control. From speaking, walking into a room, the thought of things to come, the possibility of future plans etc. Have you ever backed away from your fear? Well think of that how someone is feeling when they back out of a situation. Something or other scared them, something triggered the Fight or Flight and now the mind is working over time. 

I myself am quiet hard on myself, I question my body, how I look, how I dress, how I speak, how I hold a conversation, does this person like me etc? Its something that unfortunately creeps up.  I have been sick with worry about meeting people, going out etc and because of it have been off, or nervous and unsettled all night and did not enjoy it, as your senses or heightened, you see things differently and you hear things as a threat to you mentally and emotionally. 

Thats why I describe Anxiety as like waking up and living with your greatest fear at every corner, as you do not know where it may or what will scare you next into self doubt etc. 

Lately, I have found things hard personally, a massive change in my life. Things I felt happy or comfortable with, ripped from under me! Something I could have never controlled or can fix. With Anxiety control is a huge issue. We cannot control time, things, places or people. So accepting this is a huge step. Things change, and we have to just adjust to it, not matter if we dont want to or how hard it is. Its a real make or break situation in these cases. I choose in my case to make. Strangely it was something that broke me in ways but made me in others, I have looked and see things so different and have learned that I can do things and I just have to have some belief in myself. Something that isnt easy. But when you know you where a good person, or tried something, how can you fault any actions. We all make mistakes in life, but we have to just learn and try and move on in ways and not let them be a cross we carry forever. When a comfort blanket is removed, your Fight and Flight does kick in and you  either fall or fly, trust me flying hurts less than the fall! When you cant control something it is a huge shock, weather its a breakup, loss of a job, a fight with a loved one, someone moves away, your being relocated etc. You are really thrown in the deep end , where the unknown is everywhere and new questions and situations come up. But they are better faced than ignored.  

Don`t get me wrong, here I am talking about Anxiety and your thinking, hey this girl has her shite together, she has this one down, she is dealing with it, she is beating it! Little do people know! I still get that knot in my stomach, the sick feeling, the clammy hands, the dizzy spells and the ohh no, what ifs! But I have realized they are not lasting as long and I am not letting them. I have ways I like to now control them, things that I do to just calm myself and distract myself. And yes they work now and again, but there are times that they dont and they are the times I want to back out, but I try not to, and then realise, "why did I feel so nervous?" "It was great, I loved it". Its something I have to live with and like anyone that has asthma say, they use an inhaler to control an attack, well finding what works for you will do the exact same thing for your mind. Your lungs are organs that help you breath, but your brain is an organ  that not only signals your body but makes your think! We need to look after to it in the same way. 

The mind is so powerful. Just think, you speak or show a gesture like smile or cry to show people how you feel, but really do they ever know? You are the only person who can think or hear your thoughts. It is something you will always go through alone. We can never know how someone feels or thinks really, we can only imagine from what they express. Someone on the outside might show happy gestures, but what about in their mind, are they doubting themselves, have they a knot in their stomach with nervous? Like I explained with the fear, put yourself in that position and places the same feeling to anxiety doubled. Not a nice feeling. Feeling on the edge. 

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But its nothing to be ashamed of. People everyday, are sharing their stories and sharing their coping techniques and how it may help the coming generations. We hear how our fathers, mothers, granddads, grannies and how they  dealt with food, struggling, death, life challenges and its gotten harder and we end up having to discover and learning and growing more in finding solutions for new problems. Social media, Online bullying, Online trolls, smart phones, etc I could go on. So its hard for past generations to give us advice that applies now. And when we are 80,  it will be hard for us the help the younger generation. Life and the world will grow. And that the way it goes, we cannot control it, only express when things are tough and speak about the unspoken and the unknown so people never feel alone. It is so easy to make yourself isolated and feel alone. When you cannot speak about something or how you feel , in fear of being judged or being told to toughen up or get over it can affect you for future speak. I can tell you, the person you least expect, may feel like you do, just they have found a different way to hide or deal with it till later or their fears are different to you, but still the same foundation. 

I think anyone that has a mental illness weather is Anxiety, worrying, stress depression, I do feel they see the world differently, especially when things are good and controlled in their life.  I think we pick up on things quicker and gives us more time to create a solution and we speak from a place that has maybe triggered a past feeling that you can empathize where someone is coming from. Someone who suffers, doesn't mean that they don't want to do anything, it just means they have no reassurance that it will be ok. So don't be afraid to offer that person support. It doesn't mean you have to hold their hand or ask them all the time "are you alright". It just means if they are in a position that they are uncomfortable in that they can come to you. Trust me a person with anxiety wont just burden anyone who will hear them or complain or off load, if they did, there would be no need for a the services available. It also doesn't mean they are broken! It means they just need to find the right time to let their hair down. And when they do, you may find a different person inside, someone that you like but scares them, as they are showing the real them. If that does happen, reassurance is key. As if reject, teasing etc become a part of it, that person will lock themselves up again. Ever think that person is shy, well if you get him/her talking, I bet they wouldnt shut up, or maybe they sing amazing or dance like beyonce. Acceptance is key. But also now and again anyone that does suffer, we all need to take chances, other wise, time will move on and we will be stuck in the same position and time in our minds are frozen and we will go nowhere. 

As I have gotten older, the thought AM I HAPPY or WHAT WILL BE? Comes to mind. Will I marry? Am I happy with my partner? Will I have enough money? Do I make enough? I could go on, but I guess you get where I am coming from.. They are important questions, as the decisions we make, well make our path in life. But, they cannot stunt our life. Did we make the decision to get where we are, or did we just go along with it? If you made that choice, you need to think is their anything to fix, or is it just how you feel today, this week or always? And if you never expected to be where you where as it was a spur thought and thats lead to where you are now, what do you want? How will you get there? If you have no other greater plan for yourself and are questioning your life, maybe it isnt your life, maybe its self doubt and maybe its the fear and the wonder of the unknown.

Moving forward is important, no matter how scary it is, but moving back will not help anyone. I know my Anxiety has stopped me in ways, but I am lucky that I can control it when i can, but I also just ride the bad days, as tomorrow is a different day, days and months go on and things change and I have to look at it as, the time will come and go, so instead of worrying about something that hasnt happened, enjoy the ride until it gets bumpy. And no it isnt easy and yes I rarely take my own advice and yes I will fall weekly, monthly, yearly and many times in my life, but at least I got up to do it. 

Even if you have not suffered anxiety, we all have some fear. A fear that in someways hold us back. Like flying, if you conquered that, could you be traveling the world? Could new opportunities work out or could you be living a dream? That fear is holding you back, so what are you afraid of, the height or the unknown or losing all control? Its pretty much the same. 

Baby steps is key, and Rome wasnt built in a day, but once you can do  it, life will not be as bad as it seems and the unknown may actually be a new opportunity, path or side of you that gives you the confidence to move on better. 

I have taken some advice from various posts and papers and something I am aiming to try for in a year. Write 10 things that scare you. Say public speaking, heights, getting close to someone, talking to new people, changing your job etc. Tackle one at a time at your pace and your time, but I am sure we all will find out something new about ourselves and also learn something new and how to handle ourselves and other people and feeling out of control wont feel as hard to go with. 

We are never just normal! In my book there is no such thing. We will always evolve and change as people so what is normal to us now or other people may change tomorrow or next year. So embrass yourself and who you are mentally and physically. As we are all built for a purpose in life, so live, feel and teach from our experiences. So let go at times, you never know you may like it.

A fear is only a negative thought that can be burst and changed by a positive one.

Yes, now I will have to take my own advice ! aye! 

I hope this may show some inspiration and may help you in anyway possible. 

If you have any thoughts about this etc, let me know through my contacts details. 

I hope this did not bore you. If you made it to the end, then thank you!

Here is where you can find me...

Email: nataliekeanemua@gmail.com

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Thanks for reading.

*Disclaimer: I am no professional, and I do not claim to be, these are my own thoughts and feelings and something I suffer with and how I see things, I does not mean I am right etc, but it may help someone in a similar situation. I recommend if things are beyond your control to seek GP care and any mental care service*

Day 2.. January 30 Day Challenge

Hello there!!

So its day 2! How is 2015 for you??

Todays topic is...

"Something you feel strongly about.."

To be honest, this post maybe a little heavy for some people and others I hope it might help.

I want to talk about Mental Health.

Something I feel is a bit of a taboo in alot of people and communities.

I am a firm believer in speaking about mental health and how it affects people in so many different ways. Whether it is Anxiety, Depression, Stress or Social Isolation, everyone can suffer from a mild to severe versions of mental health. 

I think it is so important from a young age to address it and how to learn to live and control it, from a early age as 10+, as mental health is affecting people from as early as 11 and 12 these days. Which is unfortunate but true. 

Whats the difference about treating diabetes or asthma. When we get these conditions, we are told to take insulin or an inhaler to control them. These affect our organs on our lower body, so why not treat mental health the same way. Find the trigger and learn ways to control it. 

I suffer with asthma and when I have a cough, or an attack i take my inhaler. When I have an anxiety or stress attack I have learnt, to take 30mins to breath and relax. Whether it is going into your room, closing your eyes and concentrating on your breathing or switching on some music or making a list of what is bothering you . You need to find ways that suit yourself. 

Anyone can get a mental health problem whether its from finances, jobs, social societies, pressure on yourself and others, bullying or how you look or feel.

So many young people suffer under the influences of Facebook and social media. Targeted because of who they are, what they do or havent done. Way to much pressure is put on kids. 

Ideally I feel councilling should be compulsory to all students from 1st year to leaving cert.

I feel a class dedicated to mental health and how to deal with it would be ideal way to educate us more. Even creating a class box where every student a month writes what is bothering them and tackling them in an anon class. Also a parent night where issues where disscussed and what problems the kids had and how to approach it at home. Children have a small voice and need to feel safe and happy. This might be a way to combate things without peoples identiy being targeted.

If you are 10 or 100 we all need ways to help combate and control the attacks and how we feel. 

Here are just some tips, if you feel down, upset, feel an attack is setting on or just need a little help coping with an issue...

1. Take a deep breath and take a step back and observe your suitation.

2. Take a walk. A clear head can help deal with all challenges and releases indorfans 

3. Get a good morning and night routine. Your body clock is important.

4. Do something you love. Whether it is reading, running, listening to music, this will distract you and make your problem when revisited seem less big.

5. Write things down. I find writing what bothers me or on my mind, takes a load off. Start a diary on when you feel crappy and then another entry when it was resolved or you felt better, this will give you hope for each problem that comes up that it will be resolved.

6. Listen to your breathing. Place one hand on your chest and feel your chest going up and down and take deep slow breaths so slow your heart and breathing down. 

7. Speak to a friend or family member. I problem shared is better than bottling it up

8. See people. Anyone can isolate themselves from friends and family as it is easier than to face them and problems that lie ahead, but worse problems develop, as you over think, create scenarios, and you then fear the world. 

9. Create a mood/quote board. Things you want, things that inspire you, quotes that mean alot to you. These will give you something to get up for and also have a goal to work towards. 

10. Create a playlist: It is hard if you are at someones house or on a bus and you get an attack. Find songs that relax you, that make you happy. When you are around people in public, put you headphones on and concentrate on them words and breath. Untill you can get off a bus or leave a place, this might just help.

I know alot of people that think mental health, is laziness, you bring it upon yourself, your weak, you have no life, to much time on your hands. I can tell you it is more common everyday, every second. No matter how mild or severe it is, it is there. Like a shadow that follows you day in and day out, it all depends on how we deal with it and control it. We all have a brain, we all think, we all have problems but we have to find a control and a way of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Just because one thing doesnt work for you and does for someone else does not mean there is no way out of your situation. It just means you  have to find your way of dealing with things and seeing things in a different light that suits you. 

I have anxiety time to time and it all depends on how you push yourself and control yourself. There are days you will want to stay in bed as it is so much easier than facing YOURSELF in the mirror and seeing YOU. But if you can get out, and go for a walk or do something that puts a smile on yourself, then your shadow will feel less heavy to carry. 

Life is about challenges and how we meet them. We can overcome anything in time, but that is what you need patience for time to pass and wounds and fears to heal. It isnt easy for everyone, but ENJOY the good times and forget the past and the bad times, because the past is gone and the future is to be lived for. 

I am not a professional, but just someone who has views, opinions and knows to a certain extent of what your brain can do without you looking for it. 

If you feel suicidal, like life is too much, please visit a professional or GP, unfortunately our health service is slow at times, but wait it out until you get seen. Nothing is worse than a loss and suicide is not a quick fix it is for life, which affects not just you but everyone else. Sometimes we all need help and it is so important to except it, as it may lead you into better things ahead. 

I dont want to preach to anyone, but we are seeing so many young people die because they have no idea on how to get thoughts, fears and problems out of their heads and how to control things that happen. I feel like we all need way more education and less of a taboo towards mental health. 

I hope this post was worth something to you or helped you in some way. 

please get help if you feel way out of your depth!!

If you have any opinions Comment Below.

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Until tomorrow DAY 3

Toodles

Natalie xx